A Typical Conversation With A Liberal
An old friend e-mailed me recently, and I've been poking fun (good-natured, of course) at his liberal views. Of course, I do this nearly every day out here in the liberal Bay Area. Here's an example of a typical conversation with a liberal, who I will call Joe Liberal (JL). Every component of this exchange has happened to me in real life many times over.
Me: Do you support union labor?
JL: Of course. Isn't it awful that Wal-Mart won't allow unions at its stores?
Me: Where do you shop for groceries?
JL: At the Whole Foods Market. I only have to drive an extra 5 miles past the Super Wal-Mart each way to get there.
Me: What kind of car do you drive?
JL: A Toyota and a Honda [both built by non-union labor]
Me: Do you support mass transit?
JL: We should all use mass transit. Or carpool.
Me: How do you get to work?
JL: I drive an hour to work each way. By myself.
Me: What about the public schools--do you support vouchers?
JL: I support the public schools, and tax money should not go to private schools (and religious ones especially).
Me: Where do your kids go to school?
JL: Private school. They went to Catholic School up to the 8th grade.
Me: Do you believe that society should be color-blind?
JL: Absolutely. The dream of Dr. King lives!
Me: Should elite schools set limits on the number of Asians admitted?
JL: Yes, too many of one race [non-white, of course] means a degraded classroom experience. Diversity is the key.
Me: Where do you live?
JL: We live in Orinda.
Me: What is the percentage of white people living in your neighborhood?
JL: Around 85%.
Me: What do you think of the Bush tax cuts?
JL: A travesty. Think of what we could have done with the money! Schools, health care, day care!
Me: I spent my tax cut on tutoring for my son, and his pre-school . What about you?
JL: I bought an I-Pod, an X-Box 360 and a new multimedia computer.
Me: What do you think of Bush's national energy policy? Drilling for oil in Alaska?
JL: It's blood for oil I tell you!
Me: What are you doing this weekend?
JL: I'm driving down to LA for a concert--should take around 6 hours each way.
Me: Speaking of blood for oil, was going into Iraq worth the cost?
JL: Not a chance. It's a another Vietnam, I tell you.
Me: What are you having for lunch? Which restaurant are you going to?
JL: I already went to the Vietnamese place on Market Street.
Me: You mean the one owned by the man who sailed his boat from Vietnam to Malaysia with his 5 young kids to escape from the Communist gulag?
JL: Yeah, that one.
Me: Are corporate profits too high? Should companies be taxed more?
JL: The blood-sucking corporations are evil. They are ruining this country with their blatant consumerism.
Me: Nice phone you've got there.
JL: It's a new Motorola. Isn't it great that Cingular lets me upgrade my cell phone once a year for free?
Me: Yeah, it's wonderful. What did you do with your old phone?
JL: I just threw it in the garbage.
Me: I see, along with the styrofoam container, plastic fork and bag from the Vietnamese restaurant.
Me: What are you doing with that Coke can?
JL: Throwing it into the garbage.
Me: Can I have it? I started a recycling program at work and at my dragon boat association. I recycle around 20,000 bottles and cans a year.
JL: Did I tell you that I'm an environmentalist, too?
Me: Yeah, and a hypocrite.
JL: Huh? But I voted for Kerry!
Me: I know--I just saw your bumper sticker.