A Typical Conversation With A Liberal

An old friend e-mailed me recently, and I've been poking fun (good-natured, of course) at his liberal views. Of course, I do this nearly every day out here in the liberal Bay Area. Here's an example of a typical conversation with a liberal, who I will call Joe Liberal (JL). Every component of this exchange has happened to me in real life many times over.

Me: Do you support union labor?

JL: Of course. Isn't it awful that Wal-Mart won't allow unions at its stores?

Me: Where do you shop for groceries?

JL: At the Whole Foods Market. I only have to drive an extra 5 miles past the Super Wal-Mart each way to get there.

Me: What kind of car do you drive?

JL: A Toyota and a Honda [both built by non-union labor]

Me: Do you support mass transit?

JL: We should all use mass transit. Or carpool.

Me: How do you get to work?

JL: I drive an hour to work each way. By myself.

Me: What about the public schools--do you support vouchers?

JL: I support the public schools, and tax money should not go to private schools (and religious ones especially).

Me: Where do your kids go to school?

JL: Private school. They went to Catholic School up to the 8th grade.

Me: Do you believe that society should be color-blind?

JL: Absolutely. The dream of Dr. King lives!

Me: Should elite schools set limits on the number of Asians admitted?

JL: Yes, too many of one race [non-white, of course] means a degraded classroom experience. Diversity is the key.

Me: Where do you live?

JL: We live in Orinda.

Me: What is the percentage of white people living in your neighborhood?

JL: Around 85%.

Me: What do you think of the Bush tax cuts?

JL: A travesty. Think of what we could have done with the money! Schools, health care, day care!

Me: I spent my tax cut on tutoring for my son, and his pre-school . What about you?

JL: I bought an I-Pod, an X-Box 360 and a new multimedia computer.

Me: What do you think of Bush's national energy policy? Drilling for oil in Alaska?

JL: It's blood for oil I tell you!

Me: What are you doing this weekend?

JL: I'm driving down to LA for a concert--should take around 6 hours each way.

Me: Speaking of blood for oil, was going into Iraq worth the cost?

JL: Not a chance. It's a another Vietnam, I tell you.

Me: What are you having for lunch? Which restaurant are you going to?

JL: I already went to the Vietnamese place on Market Street.

Me: You mean the one owned by the man who sailed his boat from Vietnam to Malaysia with his 5 young kids to escape from the Communist gulag?

JL: Yeah, that one.

Me: Are corporate profits too high? Should companies be taxed more?

JL: The blood-sucking corporations are evil. They are ruining this country with their blatant consumerism.

Me: Nice phone you've got there.

JL: It's a new Motorola. Isn't it great that Cingular lets me upgrade my cell phone once a year for free?

Me: Yeah, it's wonderful. What did you do with your old phone?

JL: I just threw it in the garbage.

Me: I see, along with the styrofoam container, plastic fork and bag from the Vietnamese restaurant.

Me: What are you doing with that Coke can?

JL: Throwing it into the garbage.

Me: Can I have it? I started a recycling program at work and at my dragon boat association. I recycle around 20,000 bottles and cans a year.

JL: Did I tell you that I'm an environmentalist, too?

Me: Yeah, and a hypocrite.

JL: Huh? But I voted for Kerry!

Me: I know--I just saw your bumper sticker.